What I’ve Learned from my Dog
It is not an exaggeration to say that Adelaide has profoundly changed our lives. Of course, there is an obvious effect she has on our day to day life but today I’d like to take a deeper look into the impact she has had on our personal and emotional lives as a newlywed couple. Just last week we had our first wedding anniversary and it’s hard to believe that Adelaide wasn’t a part of our lives then.
To be honest, it was not always our intention to raise a puppy or find ourselves a pet. As a couple, we had experience taking care of a dog together (Jess’ former roommate’s toy poodle) but we didn’t look for a dog of our own until just a week before finding our breeder. It all seems a distant memory now, but we found our breeder quite easily online and quickly made moves toward becoming dog parents.
Our timing was perfect. We didn’t even realize just how lucky we were to find a breeder so quickly with soon-to-be available pups. We know this now because since then, we’ve continued to arbitrarily look for Italian greyhound puppies in our area and have either found none at all or have learned about the long wait lists. We’ve looked just out of curiosity...or perhaps dreaming up a hypothetical sibling for Adelaide. Now we know how lucky and special the time was when we found her and our breeder. On the day we went to the breeder to meet the puppies, we had already set up another meeting with someone selling a single iggy puppy. When we left our breeder, we cancelled the other meeting. We realized how amazing our breeder was regarding all aspects of breeding these gorgeous and delicate creatures - and of course had fallen in love with the puppies.
COURAGE, FAITH, FOLLOW THROUGH
The step towards dog parenthood taught us about courage, faith and the follow through. How would we know if we were ready or not unless we took the plunge? It takes a certain leap of faith and a strong bond with your partner to take on something as fierce as an Italian greyhound puppy (or any young pup, I imagine). We decided the day that we met the puppies, that we would take on this challenge together and support each other no matter what happens. Not every day is easy but knowing that you’ve got a partner to help makes the journey a little easier.
PATIENCE
Once we began the wild ride of puppy parenthood, the first thing we learned was patience. We had to have patience with our pup and in turn, patience with each other as we navigated through training. Not every moment is perfect. It’s quite messy at times - literally. If you are raising a pup with someone, you’ve got to form a united front when it comes to training methods and then STILL practice patience. Which hand cues are we deciding to use? How will we enforce positive reinforcement? Can we ensure that Adelaide makes a strong bond with both of us? We learned in puppy school the importance of waiting for your pup to respond or give you clues. Sometimes you might ask/cue for a sit, and your pup could take a full 30 seconds to react. It’s in these moments that we’ve learned the value of patience. You ask for sit. You see the wheels are turning. Sometimes Adelaide would even cry. Of course it appears that she’s crying because she doesn’t understand or is wanting to be successful so badly (for the treat reward) and just doesn’t know how to do it. In this pain-staking moment, we wait. We wait for her to figure it out. We wait for her to give herself the chance to be successful. So many times we’ve wanted to rush it. We’ve repeated the cue or changed tactics. What we’ve learned is that simply waiting has its rewards. It is a challenge in communication. Not to say that a newlywed couple is in fact a puppy...but certainly the lesson of patience in times of challenge and learning how to connect and communicate more clearly can be applied to our relationship.
PRESENCE
One of the biggest things we’ve noticed about Adelaide is how fully present she is in her every breath. Unlike most humans, dogs have this ability to just be in every moment as it comes. We as humans find this fascinating. This is why dogs are the most entertaining to watch on stage or in film. They do not have any filters inhibiting them from being their true selves. Adelaide wants a bone...she goes for it. Adelaide needs to nap...she closes her eyes and falls asleep. There is a certain intention with everything she does. She wants that toilet paper roll from the bathroom...and it is HERS. We noticed as well that when you play with her, the time seems to melt away. It has been such a learning experience for us to be present with her. While not every moment is sunshine and roses, it doesn’t mean that the moment isn’t captivating and fully consuming.
Another way that Adelaide teaches us to be present is a little indirect but effective. Adelaide has a certain way of finding anything she’s not supposed to have and making a game out of it - whether that’s dirty socks, tissues, or even your plates as you put them into the dishwasher. Adelaide is teaching us to be better at being self-aware. We are more aware when we put our things away, leave something on the ground or delay cleaning something up. Being more self-aware has led to a change of our own habits — trying our best to keep the house tidier now. We even think more about each time we place socks or shoes on the floor.
Adelaide can tell when our attention is not fully on her. Of course, we can’t spend every waking hour with her, but the moments that we do choose to be with her should be meaningful. We can take that as a lesson as a newlywed couple to be fully present in our chosen moments together. This translates to Jess putting her phone away or Ryan turning off the YouTube videos. In the long run, we find benefits from being more present and aware in daily activities. Fun activities become more enjoyable and challenging moments create more learning opportunities.
TRUST
It’s a beautiful thing when your dog stares you in the eyes showing an unbelievable amount of trust. She lets you hold her without a fear of falling. She falls asleep on your lap knowing that she’ll be safe. This trust is not something that happens without any effort. We’ve learned how valuable quality training time and playtime can be for you to build a strong relationship with your pup. The first month we had Adelaide home with us, Jess was very busy in the middle of a full-time 200-hour yoga teacher training program while still teaching 9 classes a week. We made it a priority for Jess to have playtime and training time before her day started. Ryan had a much easier time bonding because he worked from home, and got to spend as much time as possible earning her trust.
SELFLESSNESS/COMPROMISE
What exactly has changed since Adelaide joined our family? Mornings start earlier in our household. Our apartment is puppy-proofed for the most-part. We make decisions with her happiness and well-being in mind. Putting her needs in front of our own feels like a good life lesson for each other as well. Sometimes you need to look outside yourself to give your puppy or partner the help they need. Sometimes compromises have to be made. In the end, it all feels worth it knowing that both your puppy and your partner has your back.
FORGIVENESS
Living with a puppy iggy is a daily exercise in forgiveness. She is the little shark that bites. She will find your socks. She will try and eat your hair. But what can you do in these situations? It’s our job as parents to try our best and teach her what’s right with positive reinforcement training. Dogs’ memories are not the same as a humans’ memories, so whatever might affect us emotionally in the moment is not going to mean the same to the puppy later. So we can’t hold grudges. We practice forgiveness. We’ve learned not to hold onto the past and to take every new day as it comes. Everyday brings new challenges and another chance to give our pup the benefit of the doubt. It doesn’t hurt when Adelaide has mastered the art of the puppy eyes. As a married couple, I think that we have so much to learn from this practice of forgiveness. Of course it’s a little different when it comes to relationships, but just the act of forgiving is good practice. We are working on building our relationship and just like with Adelaide, it is something to keep working on everyday.
Dearest Adelaide. You have taught us so much about being pawrents and about how to support each other. You have taught us to keep the house a little tidier. You’ve even inspired mom to sew for the first time in over a decade (there have been one too many holes in your bed). For better or for worse, we are grateful for these practical lessons as well as the emotional and personal lessons we’ve learned as a couple.